The Risk of Love

“Love requires vulnerability. There is no safe investment when a person risks loving. Loving anything will lead to your heart being wrung and possibly broken.” C. S. Lewis

When I read this quote by C.S. Lewis, I thought, “now, that’s a dim look at love.” But as I thought about it, it’s also very true. Love does require vulnerability. Second, it’s not a safe investment. Is there anything more risky than giving your heart to someone? According to the theologian, when we do give our heart to someone it will be wrung and possibly broken. I envision a dish rag being squeezed and twisted until not one more drop of water escapes. When our loved one hurts, we hurt. When they are betrayed, we ache for them. When they die, we grieve over their absence. And if we are the one betrayed by a loved one, it’s as if a large portion of our own heart has died. Bones and wounds can heal, but hearts are sometimes left in such fragmented pieces there seems little hope of putting it back together.

Had I read this quote before risking to love, would I have changed my mind? I don’t think so. It’s a gamble, but often the long awaited payout is worth the pain. Even though, my heart has been wrung and broken different times, I have to admit those same relationships have provided much pleasure and fulfillment at other times.

I believe that the love a mother has for her children is one of the the deepest kinds of love. Because of this, it is an investment that creates the greatest kind of risk …it can leave you flat broke or yielding great dividends. It can do both over the period of a lifetime. It is now estimated that one out of four adult children are estranged from their parents, for one reason or another. Most of the time the estrangement is initiated by the child.

There was a time when both of my sons, (for different reasons) and I had strained relationships. My oldest had undiagnosed bipolar 1 that caused chaos in our relationship and a period of months without communication. The youngest had addiction and homelessness issues that created obstacles in our relationship. Communication was basically limited to when he was desperately in need of something Mom could provide. These were heart wrenching times for me because my love never died; yet the relationships were broken.

I threw a lasso around Isaiah 49:18, pulled the rope tight and didn’t let go. It was a promise that I claimed and thought about every day. Look and see, for all your children will come back to you. As surely as I live,” says the Lord, “they will be like jewels or bridal ornaments for you to display.”

I want to give hope to those that might be in a hard place with their adult children. Hope is something no one can take away from us and indeed, we should never lose hope, no matter how hopeless it seems.

My oldest was diagnosed with his mental illness and treated when he was in his mid to late thirties. My youngest has had sobriety for three years and has a family. I can honestly say, without any hesitation, that I could not ask for better sons. The compassion and love that was once hidden beneath the afflictions has now been freed. Our conversations always end with “I love you” and we don’t take it lightly. I am very proud of the mountains they both have climbed and conquered. They are like jewels that I am proud to display. The difficult times we went through has only sweetened the present. I hope this for anyone that is experiencing detached relationships with their loved ones. Pray and don’t give up.

Until next time…keep on readin’ and I’ll keep on writin’.

Blog written with permission of both sons.